Giant Jar Of Gummies

I met Cal after work and he sent me home. He said he had a surprise planned for me when we reach home. So I got suspicious and yet excited when I opened the door and got into the house. He made me wait downstairs while I heard snapping sounds which I guessed was probably glow sticks. I almost fell asleep while he was "preparing" for the surprise.

When I walked up the stairs and to the 3rd level where my room is I saw balloons lined up, tied to the stair railings. When I walked into my room there was the beautiful glow of glowsticks covered by balloons. Light crept in from the halls into my room bouncing off the gold and silver balloons.
It was my belated birthday celebration since he didn't spend my birthday with me at all (MOTHER FUCKING JERK, haha).

It was such a pretty sight it honestly is indescribable and my camera could not capture its beauty the way my eyes did. Yes I know my room is in the larger-than-life state of messiness now.

With the lights on I saw the cheesy decorations that also probably took a bit of effort to do since Cal is so short (AH hahahahaha). But it's so child like and oh so cute. I especially love the cutlery on the walls. On my desk was a huge jar of gummies that I had been pestering Cal to get for me since God knows when and a complimentary slice of strawberry shortcake. Tied to all the balloons floating a little above the floor were specially written messages to me from Cal.

I took my time to pick up every single message, they were apologies, memories, accidents, promises made, our quirky characteristics, dreams and aspirations. I read the first one and I started to tear immediately. I spent about three minutes in his arms trying to recollect myself. These are my favourites.

I got stung really badly by jellyfish back at Krabi and we've been debating if we're ever going back into sea water as beautiful as it is. Bunny conversations refers to something special to us which is also embarrassing, I SHALL NOT TELL YOU GUYS. BUT I TELL YOU, IT'S DAMN CUTE OKAY OKEH?!

The first time I got swept away by Cal I almost walked into a cactus cause some mother fucker did not take care of the drunk girl. Cheryl day was allocated at least once a week in the past cause back then he was so busy I couldn't even spend a bit of time with him so Cheryl day was normally during the weekends, consisted of Drink'em poker and watching movie after movie. Sometimes we karaoke by ourselves in my room.

"Hottest Chick" is the MSN group specially allocated for me in his account while in mine his was "<3". I HATE LIZARDS, I AM MEGAZOID AFRAID OF THEM

Awwww

Digress:
It's incredibly sweet I know but I had this aching feeling in my heart with all the uncertainty and doubts.
I think after all this, we still have a lot of love for each other. I am just trying to accept what happened and put it behind us but it's so difficult. Probably cause I placed so much hope in him, I sacrificed so much for him. It pains me so much that I am once again in love with a man who has taken me for granted all this while.
I probably need a lot of time to recover and readjust to being in a relationship cause I feel that I've lost him a long time ago and had to keep myself busy by an equal amount of studying, working and partying. Which probably equates to all the time I have in the world that now I cannot fit him back into my life.
Also during this period of time I began to enjoy being by myself excessively much and it also highlighted the imperfections I simply cannot accept any more. I am hoping time will help us and give me some direction. I am an absolute clueless mother fucker now.
Most of all I cannot decide if I want to go back now. I know now isn't the time but will we be able to withstand the test of time and all other the other factors of darkness and deceit that comes with it. :End of Digression

We got into bed and one of the balloons started floating down for no reason from the ceiling and started making rounds around the room. Physically it was kinda explainable with the air conditioner sweeper rotating and the hot-cold-air theory. Still it was very freaky that it kept flying towards me. Plus the green glowsticks made it a little bit eerie. I got frustrated and tied down the damn balloon of course.
"Cal I think my room gots ghost. The decorations make it want to parrtey too. It's saying happy birthday to me."