For The Boy Who Runs Into Walls

For Joseph

Dental

Better Than Wrath

Current Mood:

(Untitled Post)

THE SCALE READS 48KG!
I'm aiming for 45 now.

Black Manes

I'm scared of relationships cause like what you said I fall in love too fucking easily. I feel like an animal like I just look for that partner based on one fact. Like lionesses are attracted to lions with black manes more. Some shit like that. I want to be a fucking penguin instead can? Lions fuck all the time. I want to be a penguin, lose my partner, find him and sing with him when we meet and live FOREVER together.

(Untitled Post)

WHY AM I UP AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR?
I SLEPT AT 5 DAMMIT.

Flip A Coin

I met Jeannette and Jody earlier to get my hair cut finally some volume to this thing and a less annoying fringe. I miss those girls apparently since Jeannette started somewhat tutoring me not seeing her is not an option.

-Sidetrack-
Went to work after that with my knee guard again. I forgot to mention that I went to work yesterday like too and there was this scenario.
Raymond picked up my phone, "Cheryl, Aden Gabriel texted you. He said he loves you and wants to make love to you tonight."
Jez: "See! I told you not to doggy style so much right?! That's why your leg's like that now."
Raymond: "No lah she was standing and she lifted one leg up so she supported her weight on only one knee."
Cheryl: "YEAH LAH NEXT TIME I WILL CHANGE POSITION CAN?!"
But in actual fact Raymond didn't even open the text. Fucking embarrassing!
-End of Sidetrack-

Work was alright I didn't really have much to do today. Although I almost got covered in beer foam again that's why I hate it when the barrel finishes up while I'm pouring beer.

Azahar and I were supposed to go to Home Club for Beat! but Nigel went missing so it was only the 2 of us. At the end I invited myself to join Gregory and Gabriel to go club together at Phuture. They came down to fetch me from work and off we went!

I got drunk. Really really drunk. I can't remember even half of the things I did or said yesterday. I managed to sober up enough to get myself home in a cab though, after stumbling through the dance floor and I guess laughing for nothing.

Azahar told me the next day that he thinks I noticed in my head that I didn't want to cause disparity among the guys so I took turns giving attention to each of them. But I sorta gave Gregory and Gabriel more attention but pretty much equal attention too between them. I'm such a whore. Goodness.
I also -thankfully lightly- slapped Aza cause he stopped dancing for a minute or so.

But it was really fun. Shawn, Gabriel and Gregory are really awesome dancers I haven't seen guys dance like that before. I want to go again!

BUT I AM NOT GOING TO DRINK ANYMORE.

Some Kinda Jazz

Raymond made me go to Shanghai Jazz after closing at Caesars to help at the bar, apparently almost everyone was drunk. It was half an hour towards closing and I went to get Bonnie the cashier from the VIP area to get the bill and the group of people asked me to sit down and talk to him. Usually when you're on the floor you're obliged to speak to customers since I was there to help and Bonnie didn't need me to do anything yet I sat down.

And the group was fucking bloody sleazy, the guy I was made to talk to kept waving his arms and shoving them to my chest and then suddenly dropped to my lap.
My colleague from Caesars then started to make out with one of the group. I was stunned, shocked, appalled, aghast and OHHHH WHAT THE FUCK.
Then the whole group turned to me when they were done. "It's your turn. You're okay right?"
"Ha! Yes of course. Why not." *SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE MEEEE*
So I stalled for time of course. And finally my dear darling PeiWen (I work with her behind the bar all the time) came to save me. "Cheryl you're needed at the bar."

JägerCokebomb

Midnight would be Esther's birthday and we're all so damn excited. Well the floor staff got super drunk again. We managed to sneak into Attica (minimum age 21) cause one of our regulars, Jordon knows the people there. Jordon managed to get me free drinks and naturally I got high almost instantly.
Felt like a fucking Sarong Party Girl though, there were so many white men who randomly just came up to you. I tried my best to save my girls from weird assholes too never under estimate the power of supposedly girl-girl dancing men will back away instantly to see that and you can save everyone!

I spoke lots of shit man.

Esther baby I love you.

PS. Do I really look skinnier? Cause everyone's been saying that and I can't fucking tell at all.

Chun Li's Spinning Bird Kick

Raymond made me run from Shanghai Jazz to Caesars in a blue cheong sam and heels. Seah St to Liang Seah St, that's quite a few blocks and 3 traffic lights if I'm not wrong. Chun Li's Spinning Bird Kick yo. Apparently I understood why I was needed there, all my floor girls were drunk.

I was so happy to be back I gave almost everyone a hug while telling Raymond's intention to put me at SJazz, Naima said she would go on strike if I don't come back. Super adorable bunch of girls. They were so drunk that Revonda and Jez ended up bartop dancing and exposing their knickers to the world. We just had to remember the date and time, CCTV makes reruns so much fun.

After closing, we were all listening to Jez babble to Raymond about the staff being such a big happy family now and that he shouldn't tear the happy family apart by - I don't know if it's the effect of alcohol but it was sure nice to hear - placing me in Shanghai Jazz . But it's true, I've never worked in a place where I felt this comfortable in such a short time. I feel happy everyday when I come to and when I leave after work. I'm so glad they accepted me within this period of time.
Raymond let me back at Caesars! And everyone applauded and did the Kallang wave and the victory dance (Okay we all just cheered and clapped really loudly).

20 Over Partners

After work at Shanghai Jazz, Raymond told me I would be permanently working there; I would miss Caesars like crazy. Shanghai Jazz looks too darn classy and hence intimidating from outside because of that we have very little customers on weekdays and Sundays.
The music is lounge the whole night though so I don't even have music to entertain myself with. It's a lot of stoning and playing mobile solitaire involved.

I met Aden Gabriel after that for supper, I haven't seen him in ages. He was in my Catholicism class but I never spoke much to him.
He brought me to Chijmes which I haven't been to since I was 6 - my brother brought me along for his Valentine's date so he can use me to act like a good brother and thus the girl will think he'll be a great boyfriend. Fucking scheming and yet brilliant. - and we shared a combo mix, sat, smoked and just talked lots of rubbish.
The sweetheart even paid for everything and secretly ordered another drink for me when I went to the toilet. I haven't had someone buy me a complete meal and send me back home in the longest time.
Best of all, he was so sweet even though this relationship is mutually the start of an awesome friendship.

I'm Still Breathing

Artist: Katy Perry
Track from Album: One Of The Boys

I leave the gas on | Walk the allies in the dark | Sleep with candles burning | I leave the door unlocked | I'm weaving a rope and | Running all the red lights | Did I get your attention | Cause I'm sending | All the signs that

The clock is ticking | And I'll be giving | My 2 weeks | Pick your favourite | Shade of black | You'd best | Prepare a speech | Say something funny | Say something sweet | But don't say | That you loved me

Cause I'm still breathing | Though we've been | Dead for awhile | This sickness has no cure | We're goin' down for sure | Already lost a grip | Best abandon ship

Maybe I was too pale | Maybe I was too fat | Maybe you wanted better | Better luck off in the sack | No formal education | And I swore way too much | But I swear you didn't care | Cause we were in love

So as I write this letter | And shed my last tear | It's all for the better | That we end this this year | Let's close this chapter | Say one last prayer | But don't say | That you loved me

Cause I'm still breathing | Though we've been dead for awhile | This sickness has no cure | We're going down for sure | Already been diagnosed | So let's give up the ghost

Cause I'm still breathing | Though we've been dead for awhile | This sickness has no cure | We're going down for sure | Already lost a grip on this abandoned ship | Oh..

I'm still breathing | I'm still breathing

How To Ease The Hurt

I'm running away this time. I don't want to solve this. What did trying to solve anything ever help?
I gave all that I could and it's still nothing to any of you.
You never protected me from the judgement of those I cared about.

You changed, you became someone I didn't know. You weren't even my bestfriend. Tried as I might you wouldn't communicate with me. You never understood how much the truth meant to me.
I was never angry at you, you were the one who always assumed and jumped into it. You never let me explain anything. I came to you for answers because at least I wouldn't be in the dark any more.

You want me to stay but you don't give me a reason to? How can I be your friend if you don't even help me to at least get over the situation. You talk to me as if nothing has happened, you still come to me for comfort during those lonely nights. Don't you know how much that hurts me? Being reminded of how happy I was with you and then losing you instantly.

How much will the truth hurt me when the lies have already so badly. The truth is nothing compared to all the lies that have been fed to me from you and everyone around you.

I will find some other way to move on without a trace you. I wish you the best, I guess?

After Hours

Artist: We Are Scientists
Track from Album: Brain Thrust Mastery

This door is always open | This door is always open | No one has the guts to shut us out | But if we have to go now | I guess there’s always hope that | Some place will be serving after hours

This night is winding down but | Time means nothing | As always at this hour | Time means nothing | One final final round cos | Time means nothing, | Say that you’ll stay | Say that you’ll stay

We’re finally drunk enough that | We’re finally soaking up | The hours that everyone else throws away | And if we have to go now | I guess there’s always hope, | Tomorrow night will be more of the same | This night is winding down but | Time means nothing | As always at this hour | Time means nothing | One final final round cos | Time means nothing | Say that you’ll stay | Say that you’ll stay | Say that you’ll stay

We’re all right where we’re supposed to be | We’re all right where we’re supposed to be | We’re all right where we’re supposed to be | Time means nothing | We’re all right where we’re supposed to be | Time means nothing

This door is always open | This door is always open | No one has the guts to shut us out | No one has the guts to shut us out

Time means nothing | Time means nothing | One final final round coz | Time means nothing | Say that you’ll stay | Say that you’ll stay | Say that you’ll stay

Both Eyes Closed

The safety and protection of being behind the bar has gone low.

Tonight we had the annoying sirens of a high-pitched wailer, the cheating husband with 3 sons, pairs of passionate tonguers, pool table hoggers and the giant group of mid-age octopuses.

It was a wild night indeed.

Stay Don't Go

Artist: Spoon
Track from Album: Kill the Moonlight

Keep believing the things that you tell yourself | Everyone needs something they can tell themselves | To hold on to cause after all of it’s said and done well you know

Confession is stay don’t go | Ooh it is | Ooh now stay don’t go

At times you find that the truth is the best way out | Sometimes telling the truth is the best way out | And it’s the wrong words that make you prick up your ears | When later alone

Confession is stay don’t go | Ooh it is | Ooh now stay don’t go

Marriage: Scientific Agenda

I don't think that anyone standing at the alter on their wedding day ever thought they would wind up as part of the 46% who gets divorced.

I'm sure lots of us blame it on the social hierarchy that embedded this institution into us at a young age that marriage is one of the ultimate goals we seek when we turn into the twenties. Sure might be a capitalistic, growing population or moral agenda; but I think it's more scientifically linked.

After all the peak age for reproduction of Homo-Sapiens is at 25, beyond 35 the bearer automatically enters a jackpot of ramifications, dangers and an explosive chance of a disabled offspring. I don't think it's wrong for the majority of us to get married at 25 although it is definitely too soon for most of us in today's society, to get to know our partner or even ourselves well enough to make such a drastic decision.

Then again divorce without a kid and with a kid makes so much difference and yet has probably no summed up difference at all.

I know that without one it makes things so much less complicated. Less need or complications of planned schedules, alimony, child-support etc. No need to spend or force kids to read books about it "Both your parents still love you. It's not your fault." You wouldn't be able to see how heartbreaking it can be for a kid and worry so much about how to raise him/her up properly because parenting will be anything but normal.

With a kid you know what at least for a moment there was love even though it wasn't enough to sustain a marriage you gained something from it, a sweet love made from the mountains of love to start a family (who is to say a shotgun marriage didn't have love come to play with it neither?). That mountain of love in its tiny package will help you through it although there will be huddles after puddles, it boils down to one inevitable fact that; that parental love will always be good enough to bring you out of that dark hole.

Thanks For The Chivas

Today at work I learned that...
Whiskey works great for a cough even better than honey water.

Heartbroken Update

Here's a heartbroken update for all those who have been questioning my progress.

All I've been doing is exhibiting destructive behaviour (do not start nagging, you know it's a phase). I've lost approximately 6KG now since the chain of events, I'm mighty skinny since God knows when.
I haven't been myself obviously; more disconnected, less spirited and spending my weight in gin, red wine and cigarettes.
This is also accompanied by rancid gastric juiced breath, smoker's cough, swollen eyes, chapped lips, oral ulcers and no resistance to low temperatures.
I don't even have the passion to blog about anything even though I still have spurts of inspiration and creativity, once I log in I just think of all the events that happened thanks -but no thanks- to the Internet.

Well it's harder and harder everyday. Every morning when the anger wears away, I can't seem to think straight but I know what is best for me (or us).
When I changed for the better, had more control of my anger; I've seem to have lost my analytical -scientifically linked- skills. Then, here I am so hung up.

I'm trying to talk but it's not working, questions are unanswered. Frustration and confusion arises. I didn't know what he wanted, I didn't know how we turned out this way. Though, it shouldn't matter I want to know.

I'm trying to be as sane as I can because I'm sick of pre-packaged advice "Go on a date, see a therapist, try an evening class, invest in new-generation mood altering drugs (which I have; out of desperation tried for a week and was nahdah for me), go party, take a holiday, boil your phone in a pot of water and send smoke signals to your parents."
I don't need advice albeit it is much appreciated I have to handle the battle on my own.

I've been working almost everyday cause it keeps me happy, it'd be nice if some of you dropped by during work it makes me mega joyful.
Big big love to those who came down since I started.

Wet Wet Picnic

We had a picnic! I drank too much and went to work drunk.

Thomas

"Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all. Everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking , the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me?"

- Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close, Jonathan Foer

Mambo Sucks If You're Not Drunk

Apologies for the lack of updates with everything crashing in at the same time, I've been very very mopey.

I've been working on the floor a lot recently, argh terrible terrible. I can't stand sitting down with strangers and talking to them. If I can get past that, working on the floor is much better than behind the bar. Behind the bar it's way tiring. All the drinks to pour, glasses to wash and I hate changing barrels; so fucking heavy. Bar maids should get paid more after all we don't have opportunities to get any ladies drinks.

Anyway, I went to Zouk tonight. I was invited by Gregory a church friend I haven't seen in eons, so I went along with his bunch of friends. I know it isn't like me but I felt like I needed a good night. It was on impulse as well so I went there looking very casual and with no camera. My alcohol tolerance level is wee embarrassing... I got pretty high and as usual I went shouting, screaming and I also "encouraged" by standers to dance.
It was some night really considering I went with almost total strangers.

Bah you can tell I'm still not really myself.

(Untitled Post)

I didn't do as well as I hoped I would. I'm feeling pretty much apathetic now.
Going to have to spam emails to various schools.

4 Js

Tonight's the last night of vex-free happiness and the state of being in the moment.

Raymond let me off late today I was supposed to go off at 11 to go party but at the end he persuaded my loves to come over for free drinks instead, our regular was buying us drinks. Unexpectedly the Wednesday night felt like a Friday night, the bar was way way busy. So I bar tended till a little later and made lots of drinks for them. I also managed to get to know my colleagues a little better so it's all good anyway.

Well we were tipsy even before we got into the club.
Rebel sucks balls, the music is horrible. Talk about having the radio on for a club, everything was so damn mainstream it was horrible.
I also declare Joseph my fake boyfriend #8. I love Joseph, he's a sweet thing.

TON LOT OF PHOTOS BELOW

You can tell from the pictures. It was some night. Mega awesome-ness.