Simple Structures

I HATE MODELLING. IT'S FUSTRATINGGGGGG. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. AND TIRING. PLUS I ALREADY HATE TRYING OUT CLOTHES WHEN I GO SHOPPING MODELLING IS MEHH GAGAGAGAGAGAGA.

Anyway here are my favourite shots. HEH.

Anyway special thanks to Jeannette for being so patient with me and Sean Yip for helping us take photos in the midst of her exam studying.
Oh OH! Some behind the scene shots.

Click to view the new clothes

Giant Jar Of Gummies

I met Cal after work and he sent me home. He said he had a surprise planned for me when we reach home. So I got suspicious and yet excited when I opened the door and got into the house. He made me wait downstairs while I heard snapping sounds which I guessed was probably glow sticks. I almost fell asleep while he was "preparing" for the surprise.

When I walked up the stairs and to the 3rd level where my room is I saw balloons lined up, tied to the stair railings. When I walked into my room there was the beautiful glow of glowsticks covered by balloons. Light crept in from the halls into my room bouncing off the gold and silver balloons.
It was my belated birthday celebration since he didn't spend my birthday with me at all (MOTHER FUCKING JERK, haha).

It was such a pretty sight it honestly is indescribable and my camera could not capture its beauty the way my eyes did. Yes I know my room is in the larger-than-life state of messiness now.

With the lights on I saw the cheesy decorations that also probably took a bit of effort to do since Cal is so short (AH hahahahaha). But it's so child like and oh so cute. I especially love the cutlery on the walls. On my desk was a huge jar of gummies that I had been pestering Cal to get for me since God knows when and a complimentary slice of strawberry shortcake. Tied to all the balloons floating a little above the floor were specially written messages to me from Cal.

I took my time to pick up every single message, they were apologies, memories, accidents, promises made, our quirky characteristics, dreams and aspirations. I read the first one and I started to tear immediately. I spent about three minutes in his arms trying to recollect myself. These are my favourites.

I got stung really badly by jellyfish back at Krabi and we've been debating if we're ever going back into sea water as beautiful as it is. Bunny conversations refers to something special to us which is also embarrassing, I SHALL NOT TELL YOU GUYS. BUT I TELL YOU, IT'S DAMN CUTE OKAY OKEH?!

The first time I got swept away by Cal I almost walked into a cactus cause some mother fucker did not take care of the drunk girl. Cheryl day was allocated at least once a week in the past cause back then he was so busy I couldn't even spend a bit of time with him so Cheryl day was normally during the weekends, consisted of Drink'em poker and watching movie after movie. Sometimes we karaoke by ourselves in my room.

"Hottest Chick" is the MSN group specially allocated for me in his account while in mine his was "<3". I HATE LIZARDS, I AM MEGAZOID AFRAID OF THEM

Awwww

Digress:
It's incredibly sweet I know but I had this aching feeling in my heart with all the uncertainty and doubts.
I think after all this, we still have a lot of love for each other. I am just trying to accept what happened and put it behind us but it's so difficult. Probably cause I placed so much hope in him, I sacrificed so much for him. It pains me so much that I am once again in love with a man who has taken me for granted all this while.
I probably need a lot of time to recover and readjust to being in a relationship cause I feel that I've lost him a long time ago and had to keep myself busy by an equal amount of studying, working and partying. Which probably equates to all the time I have in the world that now I cannot fit him back into my life.
Also during this period of time I began to enjoy being by myself excessively much and it also highlighted the imperfections I simply cannot accept any more. I am hoping time will help us and give me some direction. I am an absolute clueless mother fucker now.
Most of all I cannot decide if I want to go back now. I know now isn't the time but will we be able to withstand the test of time and all other the other factors of darkness and deceit that comes with it. :End of Digression

We got into bed and one of the balloons started floating down for no reason from the ceiling and started making rounds around the room. Physically it was kinda explainable with the air conditioner sweeper rotating and the hot-cold-air theory. Still it was very freaky that it kept flying towards me. Plus the green glowsticks made it a little bit eerie. I got frustrated and tied down the damn balloon of course.
"Cal I think my room gots ghost. The decorations make it want to parrtey too. It's saying happy birthday to me."

Hong Neu

I went on a spending spree with Jeannette when we went to get our stock for our blog shop. I ended up spending a lot on myself as well. We really went a wee bit crazy this time.

Anyway at work today I went a little crazier than usual. Running in and out of the bar cause we were short staffed. We also broke a few glasses here and there. I managed to actually sell a set of Chivas that's a good thing. Still my day was kinda spoiled by one of the staff fucking up everything. I don't know if she really is slow or just being a dick but it really annoys the shit out of the bar maids. We were rolling eyes the whole night and were so irritated we were just left speechless even though I bet if we weren't as busy or as pissed we could spend the night bitching away.

I left work early cause mum was texting me. Kinda on great timing at the sidenote, since I was practically boiling and bored stiff.

(Untitled Post)

I've been busy it's either work work work or study study study.
WORK WORK WORK.

From Bunnies

Cause girlfriends & boyfriends have stuffed animals as kids first.

Happeningggg You

diana. says: FUCK CHERYL. WHY YOUR LIFE SO HAPPENING!!!
Alis says: FUCK YOU
diana. says: mine's like dead
Alis says: FUCK YOU. YOU SURE YOU WANNA EXCHANGE LIVES?
diana. says: so unfair lah seriously. UNFAIR
Alis says: YEAH MY LIFE SO INTERESTING RIGHT. I GOT MY OWN TV SHOW, ALIENS WATCHING ME. AND THEY PAY ME IN OXYGEN.
diana. says: HAHAHA. FUCK YOU.

Oxygen cause I need it to burn my cigarettes and I constantly have breathing problems

What Use Is This Love

Watched you pack, watched you go, cuddled you for one last time, sobbed with you.
All the maybes and what-ifs, we did the things we used to do... The things that mattered, memories all shattered.

We're in a shade of grey, black and blue.

I have been neglected for so long, worried sick about you. It's been so long and so hard that now that you are back. I feel so damaged and beyond repair. I am afraid of being abused once again and I just want to walk away. Nothing I've gone through has been justified and now I'm all confused.

Where were you when I needed you most? How could you turn a blind eye at me when my eyes water?
Why are you back now?
Is it cause it's just convenient for you to now, cause you've had your fun and want to be back, cause you thought someone else was better but yet I am always here, cause you're most comfortable here, cause you "promised" me? Why are you back? What for...

Why is it I am constantly abused? Am I not worthy of anyone's love?

But I miss you baby and I hate you.

Please Don't Touch Me

This could possibly be the most radical night ever.

I could not be more confused at this point.

So smoke, smoke, drink, drunk. Roam around, crash at bestfriend's, couldn't sleep, came home, felt a bit better.

Feeling empty.
Again.

It Happened Like Always

You should hold onto things that mean the most to you no matter how difficult it is. The end result will be the ever lasting bliss and self satisfaction from achievement. But what makes the deciding factor that, that thing you hold onto? Is good for you.

So... To me. What isn't good for you are things that don't hold on back to you, are things that affect your health, things that you have so so little control over - you wanna shoot yourself and whatever. I feel really mopy now.

All these things that happen. It's so...
"NAH! LidDat loh." Nothing is ever new, so familiar and still ever so painful.
Now now, normally I really wouldn't be feeling so apathetic but I'm so so ever so so, -lemme repeat- so so so FUCKING tired.

I think there's something so fucked up wrong with me but it's hidden and cannot be seen until someone comes into my life.

I wanna stop loving. I wanna stop everything. I just want to...

KAN NAH

Diana is one mean shit!
When I'm having a damn serious, legal, highly confidential conversation with her...
She asks me to shut up or face the wall. So Denise and I promised to face the wall together if that ever happens. I love Diana. She's very entertaining.

I saw Jaez's nipple pastie stickers out in the open cause she decided to show them to us for fun.

I got damn drunk today. MEH.