The Love Was Not Enough To Save Anything.

Abstracts from my wordpress

October 13, 2009
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Filed under: Uncategorized — cherylalistair @ 10:36 pm

I will try my best as I can, to be here for you. It’s a rough patch we’re going through. In fact it’s a mine field.

But I need you to know that I love you. I need you to know that; I need to know you do too. I will be more difficult to be with, I know my insecurities will take a toll on us. Point is that I want to find someone who will do whatever it is to please the most basic and crucial part that is me.

I do not have a particular skill or mastery. I know I am not brilliant or absolutely entertaining.

However, if you chose to brave it out with me, be patient be understanding. Even resort to succumbing into illogical tendencies temporarily. I will be here to love and give you everything I can. Everything no one else ever could or (and I now dare to say) can. What I know I’m good at, what people I’m close to can tell is to love.

We tend to follow the exact footsteps of our parents but I have grown to know it cannot be so. Affected by bashful childhood and missing memories, still we must not make the same mistakes as them. I have grown to be exactly different from my observations and I hope you can too. It’s not too hard honestly, if you are not shy around me then why be shy when it comes to me?

And still if you do not love me, I do not wish to be part of that cycle once again. If this is a sick joke to take revenge on the world because the world has been unfair to you. I will plead for forgiveness on behalf of the world and you do not give me a beating I will not survive. If it is not time for us to be together because of commitment issues I urge you to come back again later. I cannot guarantee that I will be there since you have already broken at least a portion of my heart by telling me things and not meaning it; still it does not mean I do not love you and it does not mean that there is no chance for me to be yours. Cause I firmly believe that if it is yours it will come back and it will be rightfully yours.

I shall write to repeat to myself and come back and read this when I need to: Our love is strong and will brave it all. I will not spoil this because I am weak, I will not buckle under anxiety and fear that actually does not exist. But once I am done being all the support I can for you, it will be your turn to help me out of my black hole I fell into under accumulation of what I’ve been through. Although I can give I refuse to take it as it is, as how people can treat me as unfairly as they want to.

October 21, 2009
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Filed under: Uncategorized — cherylalistair @ 10:57 pm

As I lay my hands bare.
I sing, I dance, I cower.
I allow you to inspect and add on to my battle scars.
Drain my emotional reserve,
Bury me.
In the name of the love we had.
Blood seeps through slow, my perfect denial.
So beautiful, the lie I kept inside.
My weakness, my lack of preparedness.
I kept with me to keep you,
All for me.
All mine.
We soul eaters, killing each other.
Like Gods, the damage we rain upon each other.
These hail stones, hurricanes and my burning meteors.
These hail stones, hurricanes and your ice overs.
I’ve never hated someone so much for not loving me.
I scream and I fast till my bones show.
No answer.

After trying to get better with Cal for about 2months since his training ended. I have admitted defeat. We've both failed each other and there is no blame game to be involved.
I've nothing else to put into words about this situation, I don't know what it is to say. I'm speechless for once.